Christi Davis Coaching

I think I first heard this quote in Sunday School, and I've always loved it.  I use it often when talking about choosing our thoughts. Google says that the average person has 50,000-70,000 thoughts per day.  PER DAY!  That is a lot of thoughts! We don't necessarily get to choose all of the thoughts that float in and out of our brains.  They just come.  But we DEFINITELY get to choose the ones that we want to "build a nest" in our minds. Obviously, not all thoughts are created equal.  Many are random, some are harmful, and some are useful and valuable.  The challenge of life is to learn to choose which thoughts we allow our brains to latch on to and believe. The thoughts that we believe will create our emotions, which drive our actions.  And our consistent actions will ultimately create the results in our lives.  That's why we must choose our thoughts intentionally. Here is one of my favorite thoughts to believe lately:  I a...

Some things just are.  The weather today is rainy and 54 degrees.  There are $500 in my bank account.  I have three things on the calendar for tonight at 6:00.  Those statements contain no drama, just math.  Just black and white, neutral statements.  They are circumstances , which are completely neutral. Wishing any of those circumstances were different does me absolutely no good.  If I wish that the weather was 80 degrees and sunny, then what?  Then I feel disappointed.  I find it so much more useful to accept what is, then ask myself... now what? The weather today is rainy and 54 degrees... now what?  I think I'll put on some slippers and make myself some cinnamon tea!  That sounds cozy! There are $500 in my bank account... now what?  I'm going to choose carefully what to spend it on, and see if I can gradually build that up. I have three things on the calendar tonight at 6:00... now what?  I will ask my husba...

This picture is an outtake from my sister's engagement photos.  It strikes me as funny and a little bit of a foreshadowing of what marriage is like.  It's sometimes a wild ride!  What seems like it will be our "happily ever after" very quickly becomes real life with real ups and downs. Sometimes we think that if we don't feel happy all of the time, we must being doing something wrong.  We mentally beat ourselves up for getting frustrated.  We try to avoid boredom by scrolling for something interesting on our phones. We feel a low sense of self worth, so we eat some ice cream to make us feel better.  We do anything we can think of to try to ignore or brush over those bothersome negative emotions. Now don't get me wrong... I am NOT a proponent of wallowing! I believe staying "stuck" in negative feelings is not useful, and not the way to live our best lives.  But when we tell ourselves that we should be happy all of the time, we are setting...

I've been talking with clients a lot this week about negative emotions, and how sometimes we go to such great lengths to avoid them!  Usually our greatest fears in life are fears of how we might feel . Think about the things in life that scare you the most.  Losing a loved one? Being rejected? Failing at something important?  Let's look at why those things are so scary. If I, for example, lose a child, what is going to happen?  I will feel sadness and grief.  I may feel anger or loss or guilt.  I will most definitely feel some negative emotion.  But in reality, that is the worst thing that can happen.  I will feel terrible, and I know how to do that.   What if someone I love rejects me?  A spouse, a child or a friend.  Then what?  Then I feel some negative emotions.  I may feel fear or insecurity or grief.  But I know how to feel negative emotions. What if I try something big and it fails?  ...

I have amazingly mature kids sometimes.  The other day I was sitting at the table after dinner talking with my 19 year old daughter and 17 year old son- both of whom are planning on volunteering to be missionaries for our church within the next year.  They will “sign up,” and then wait to be told where they are assigned to serve for 18 or 24 months.  They will leave family and friends (communication is only allowed through email once a week) to live among strangers, possibly in a foreign country. They may be asked to learn a new language, eat strange new things, or embrace a completely new culture.  They will be paired up with “companions,” or partners in missionary work, some of whom will undoubtedly be hard to get along with.  (*Updated to add that Savannah is now serving in Chicago!) I asked them both what they were most nervous about, and their answers were so mature and impressive to me. My daughter said she was nervous abo...

Maybe you've heard about the Marie Kondo craze on Netflix?  I haven't watched it, but I read her book a couple of years ago. The theory is basically this: We all have too much "stuff."  We all need to go through our houses and get rid of lots of our stuff.  We should only keep the things that truly spark joy in us. But here is my problem:  When I go through my closet, there is not one thing in it that sparks joy for me!  And a person has to wear clothes!  Even if it doesn't spark joy. I don't really think the solution is that I need all new clothes, although that may be true.  I think  my "stuff" doesn't spark joy because stuff can never bring joy. JOY is an emotion, and therefore it is created by thoughts . Here are some thoughts that spark JOY in me: My life keeps getting better every year!   I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing in the world. There isn't anywhere in the world I would rathe...

From such an early age, our children are watching us to see how they should feel about things.  An infant will respond to a smile with a sweet smile of their own.  A toddler who falls down will often wait to see how the parent reacts before they decide if they should laugh or cry.  It's a normal human behavior called mirroring. Even as adults we tend to mirror each other's emotions.  When I'm talking with a friend who gets teary, my eyes usually fill up as well.  When my husband comes home in a great mood, it's easy for me to "catch" the mood and have a great evening. But what happens when the people around us are experiencing negative emotion?  Maybe the 3 year old refuses to cooperate and tells you repeatedly that she hates you.  Maybe the 13 year old comes home after a rough day at school, slamming things around and yelling at everyone in sight.  Maybe the husband got stuck in traffic, and walks in the door bringing the stress with him....

I was reminded today of a life-changing experience I had several years ago. I had five kids at the time, and I felt like my hands were really full.  The youngest was three, and I was thinking I was done having kids.  I had even started giving away those bins of hand-me-downs that were piled up in the garage. One day as I sat in the temple I had a very clear impression that it was time for me to have another baby.  ANOTHER ONE?? In my mind I asked “Are you sure??  Have you noticed how things are going down here lately?  My home is chaotic!  I’m struggling here- I’m not doing such a great job with the five I have!” The answer was a confirmation that it was time for another, and I felt heavy.  Of course I knew I would love another child, but the heaviness was more about me.  I didn’t know how I could possibly muster the energy to be everything that everyone needed me to be.  How coul...

With seven children, you can imagine the amount of laundry I have done in my life.  It's one of those chores that is never really done, no matter how much time I spend on it.  And while it's not the chore that I hate the most, it does feel like laundry is always hanging over my head, so to speak. Sometimes when I'm folding laundry, I give my brain something to keep it busy, like listening to a book or podcast.  But when I don't... my brain has a default script that it likes to replay.  I think thoughts like, "Why do they always leave their socks in a ball when they take them off? Gross! Now they're still crusty when I open them up!" Or "This shirt is still folded!!!  He just threw it back in the laundry so he wouldn't have to put it in his drawer!"  Or "How in the world do I have this many towels to fold??  I know there were not this many showers taken this week!"  I spend my laundry time thinking about how annoying it is th...

Yesterday I was talking with a client about anticipation.  It's one of my favorite emotions to feel!  I remember being a kid, looking forward to Christmas morning.  Or being an adult, looking forward to a fun vacation!  I think at least half of the fun comes before the actual event- all the planning and dreaming and imagining.  It's so exciting! My client was worried that by enjoying the anticipation too much, she wasn't being fully present in the joy of right now.  And she has a valid point.  It's possible to get tricked into thinking "I will be so much happier when... I have more money.  Or I'm sleeping through the night.  Or once my husband learns to communicate better."  That list can be endless, and we could spend our entire lives waiting for a happiness that was actually available to us all along. But anticipation isn't postponing happiness, it's like reaching into the future and stretching the happiness all the way back to...

My first two children were girls.  They loved dress-ups, crafts, and reading books.  Life was busy, but relatively calm.  Then baby number three came along and really shook things up at our house!  It was a boy, and a super active boy at that!  So "active", in fact, that when he was three, we got kicked permanently out of the gym daycare.  When he went out into the cul-de-sac to play, other moms would gather their kids and take them inside so they wouldn't get injured. One day we were at the children's museum with some good friends.  All of the other kids were playing nicely with the "hands on" exhibit.  Caleb, my little guy, was throwing things, tackling people, and karate chopping the art supplies.  I was getting so frustrated with him.  What is wrong with this kid??  Why can't he ever just sit still and play nicely?? Interrupting my thoughts, my friend stepped up next to me and said, in the sweetest, most loving voice, "I...

This is real life folks. We wake the boys up every morning to "study the scriptures as a family." This is what that looks like much of the time. It's a circumstance that doesn't seem to be within my power to change. I can either be annoyed with them, making the morning really unpleasant for myself, or I can choose  something different.  This particular morning I chose to be amused .  It felt much better than annoyed. Another emotion I want to try is grateful .  I could choose to think, "I'm so glad they're all here, even if they're really tired." Maybe when I'm feeling really at the top of my game I will try to consciously choose love .  It's my favorite. Christi

My husband used to have an enormous sombrero.  It was made of straw, so it was cool, and it spread out wide enough to shade much of his body.  It was  hilarious , and I couldn’t help but smile every time I looked out the window and saw him working in his sombrero.  It was his special Saturday hat, and it made it possible for him to work outside in the Arizona sun. I often teach that thoughts are like hats.  You get to try them on to see which ones you like best. If you try one and it feels terrible… take it off!  Try a different one!  If you find a thought that fits just right and feels good… it’s a keeper.  If it’s a thought that motivates you, and helps you create what you want to create… then you wear it with pride.  Just like the sombrero. Here is a sombrero-sized thought that has been working really well for me lately:  “The world needs what I have to offer.” I told you...