Accepting what is


Some things just are.  The weather today is rainy and 54 degrees.  There are $500 in my bank account.  I have three things on the calendar for tonight at 6:00.  Those statements contain no drama, just math.  Just black and white, neutral statements.  They are circumstances, which are completely neutral.

Wishing any of those circumstances were different does me absolutely no good.  If I wish that the weather was 80 degrees and sunny, then what?  Then I feel disappointed.  I find it so much more useful to accept what is, then ask myself... now what?

The weather today is rainy and 54 degrees... now what?  I think I'll put on some slippers and make myself some cinnamon tea!  That sounds cozy!

There are $500 in my bank account... now what?  I'm going to choose carefully what to spend it on, and see if I can gradually build that up.

I have three things on the calendar tonight at 6:00... now what?  I will ask my husband to cover one of them, and opt out of the other one.  No drama needed.

Lately I have found this principle so useful in parenting!

Scenario:  (First I'll give you all the drama that naturally occurs in my brain.)  My 10 year old is pretty much a slob.  He leaves his stuff everywhere and throws a fit or drags his feet when I ask him to help clean up in any way.  If he does do the job, it's not done well.  There must be something wrong with this kid.  How can he be so sloppy and inconsiderate?  There must be something wrong with ME! How have I failed to teach him better than this??  His future relationships are going to be a mess because I haven't taught him better.

You see how an unsupervised brain can run amok!  The result of this kind of thinking is that either I panic and yell at him, or I decide I have already failed and give up.

Here is what I have decided to think instead:  My 10 year old hasn't learned to clean up after himself. (Just accepting what is with no drama.) Now what?  Now I am free to think clearly and make a plan to teach him better.

Wishing things were different, either in the past or in the present, is not useful.  It doesn't change the circumstance, and only causes emotional pain.

Maybe things are supposed to be EXACTLY as they are.  Now what?


Christi









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