Feeling connected



My husband and I have both been super busy this summer.  We get up at different times and go to bed at different times.  Sometimes we both make it to the dinner table at the same time, sometimes we don't.

It's easy during these busy times to lose a sense of closeness and connection.

In our case, this level of busyness is going to be temporary, and there are some circumstances that we will be able to change to make connection easier.

But what about when your husband travels all the time for work? Or when one of you has a demanding calling that takes lots of time? What about when spending lots of quality time together is just not possible?  Is your marriage connection doomed?

Here is what I want to offer:  connection is an emotion that you feel.  That means it is created by your thoughts.  And while I am a firm believer in making time together a priority, sometimes it's not possible.  I want to suggest that even during those times, there are thoughts we can choose that still feel like connection.

When I crawl into bed at night with my hubby already snoring beside me and I think "We are living separate lives right now," I feel disconnected from him.  When I think "He couldn't even stay awake long enough to ask about my day," I feel even worse.  If I chose to think "He cares more about his project than he does about his family," I would feel upset and isolated.

But I get to choose.  When I think "He is working so hard to finish this project for our family," I feel grateful and valued. When I think "I am so lucky to have such a hard working husband," I feel proud, and special.  When I think "We are on the same team.  We are doing different parts of the work, but we are working toward the same goal here," I feel love and connection.

As I sit here and type out these thoughts, my husband is outside working hard on his project.  But thinking these kind of thoughts,  I  literally feel a warm, content, swelling feeling being generated in my body. 

I love knowing how to choose my own emotions.  Sometimes I choose these happy ones, sometimes I choose to feel frustrated or lonely or angry.   I take ownership for all of it, and I actually welcome all of it.  Emotions make life rich and full.


Christi


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